A Conversation with Stig Ernsund on: The Story Behind the Story

Some books are born from imagination. Others from experience. And then there are those that emerge from years of observation ... of people, of patterns, of the invisible threads that connect us.

Stig Ernsund’s work belongs to the latter.

An author, life coach, and communication counselor, Ernsund has spent decades studying one essential human skill: meaningful connection. With a background that bridges law, psychology, coaching, and real-world interpersonal experience, his approach is both structured and deeply human.

In The Ultimate Guide to Rapport, he challenges a common belief: that connection is something you either have or don’t. Instead, he presents rapport as a skill. One that can be learned, practiced, and embodied.

In this conversation, he shares what led him to explore this idea, and what he hopes readers will carry with them.

The Conversation

What first sparked the idea for this book? Was it a moment, a feeling, or something that stayed with you over time?

I’ve been engaged in life coaching and communication for many years, and it is indeed interesting to me. I therefore wanted to write a book in the area. Quickly I decided to give the concept of rapport my full attention, as it fascinated me early on most of all.

Is there something about the narrative that readers might not immediately see, but that matters deeply to you?

I think the reader should go through the entire book to grasp all the necessary pieces. That said, I have put much effort into bringing a pedagogical structure, and an Introduction that will serve as a well-designed road map. For most readers, the many methods and measures in part II may be what they are primarily looking for.

Did the narrative change as you were writing it? If so, how?

Yes, it actually did. In the beginning I was not sure at all where this exploration would take me. However, through brainstorming, research and inspiration etc., the narrative somewhat changed until everything fell into place in a very satisfying way, and I saw the book’s potential to be the definitive source of rapport.

Was there a part of the book that felt especially difficult or personal to write?

Maybe part III, where I wanted to include all other aspects of rapport to make the book as practical and comprehensive as possible, yet concise without any fluffy content. This part deals first of all with applications, which is the end goal for using it in relationships and otherwise. Before that come theoretical foundations, methods, and other things, to build up the understandings and skills.

Looking back now, what does this narrative represent for you?

The narrative represents something that I want to give to readers to make their lives and the lives of people they meet a lot better. Rapport has helped me immensely, and quickly became an unconscious skill. That’s why my aim was to create the ultimate book about it, so others will reach the same capacity in a fairly short time.

Closing Note

There is something quietly powerful in the way Stig Ernsund speaks about rapport, not as a vague idea, but as something tangible. Learnable. Repeatable.

In a world that often feels fragmented, his work is a reminder that connection isn’t accidental. It’s something we can choose to build, moment by moment, conversation by conversation.

And perhaps that’s what makes this book more than a guide.

It’s an invitation.

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